Whod you bang
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
