Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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