I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
