I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
