we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
