Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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