My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize