just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
