Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
