i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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