So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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