and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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