Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
