get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
