there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
