I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
