how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
