I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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