i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
