my phone needs a breathalizer
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
