dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
high people should be assigned attendants
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
