JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
