dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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