; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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