I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
