Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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