I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Randomize
