I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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