What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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