We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
