it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize