you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
