what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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