I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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