Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
please come you make the beer taste better
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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