i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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