Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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