I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
