I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
