Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
