I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
