Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
