Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
