why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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