If that was your dad, he is hot
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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