also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
