I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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