Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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