How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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