I must be too annoying 4 u.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize