The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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