Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
