Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
