It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize