Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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