I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
