$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
