Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
