hotel room ftw
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
