Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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