Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
