Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
