I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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