i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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