So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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