Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
