its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
