the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
foreskin is a definite game changer
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
