Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize