Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
